Delgo Noir
The reports came in last night. My first friend, my enemy, Filo, was killed last night. Who would do such a thing to Filo? I hate the man but I know he wouldn't hurt a fly. I arrive at the crime scene and am immediately greeted by Bogardus. "10:39pm last night is what the doctors say. Whacked him right on the back of the head. Hey Delgo, you sure you want to take this case?" I nod my head in response. "Somebody killed my best friend, I should be the one to figure out who did it." I see Kyla over at a bench comforted by General Raius, she's crying. The body is twisted and bloody. This way of killing, I've never seen it before "Do you think it was a Nohrin?" Bogardus nervously asks me. "From a Nohrin, I don't think so." We search for evidence around the vicinity, we find a dagger with a magic rock at the bottom of the grip. Could it be a Lokni? As they escort Filo's body to the morgue he drops something out of his hand. I go to pick it up when I'm stopped by Award winning actor Danny DeVito. "You must be Award winning actor Danny DeVito. I've heard a lot about you." I say to Award winning actor Danny DeVito. Award winning actor Danny DeVito nods his head in a definitely-not-evil way. "Please do not disturb the crime scene Detective Delgo, we can't afford to lose evidence." Award winning actor Danny DeVito walks off in a totally-not-evil way. Kyla comes up to me, her hips swaying to the beat of Stayin' Alive by The Bee Gees. "Hey big boy Delgo, was that Award winning actor Danny DeVito?" she says to me. I nod in response. She embraces me and starts to cry, "Oh Delgo, who would do this to my poor Filo. He wouldn't hurt a fly." She runs away to Award winning actor Danny DeVito and asks him questions that I can't hear. I arrive back at my apartment and take a big swig of whiskey straight from the bottle when all of a sudden I get a phone call. I answer the phone and it’s Award winning actor Danny DeVito. Before I can say anything he says, "Come to the morgue quick. We found something" and immediately hangs up. When I arrive to the morgue Bogardus invites me inside and tells me that they found human fingerprints on Filo's body. I'm an expert at fingerprint identification so I look at the fingerprints and immediately point to Award winning actor Danny DeVito. Award winning actor Danny DeVito shoots at us as he starts to run away. We pursue Award winning actor Danny DeVito with great haste. We run through alleyways and into busy streets when Bogardus finally lands a shot at Award winning actor Danny DeVito's leg. Award winning actor Danny DeVito immediately collapses. "I did it, I killed Filo. But you'll never know why. NEVER!" Award winning actor Danny DeVito swallows a cyanide capsule and dies. "Dammit he died, now we'll never know why Award winning actor Danny DeVito killed Filo" Bogardus says. As we rummage through Award winning actor Danny DeVito's house I find a manifesto which says in big bold letters "I want to kill filo so that Kyla will be mine! And we'll get married and have 42 beautiful Nohrin-human children!" I show Bogardus and he says "Damn I wanted to marry that thiccc boi Award winning actor Danny DeVito." I nod in agreement. This concludes my Ted talk.